Troubled Teen Intervention

Few things are more disruptive to a peaceful family life than an out of control teen. When parents are dealing with a child who is disruptive, disrespectful, belligerent, and hateful it can be overwhelming. The result can be a vicious cycle of anger, sorrow, frustration and bitterness. In spite of everything a parent can do, sometimes teenagers make choices which throw the entire family into turmoil. Most problematic teens don't start out intending to ruin their lives or the lives of their families. Often underlying problems go unnoticed and these problems fester for years before becoming full-fledged acting out. Some of these issues may include:

Bullying experienced by the teen.
A strong need to feel accepted by peers.
A belief that his or her parents just 'don't understand' what it is like to be a teenager.
A desire to make their own choices, right or wrong.

As teens are generally self absorbed and focused on their own needs, they probably are not considering the havoc they are wreaking on the lives of those who care about them. These teens will make choices, whether to influence how they appear to their peers, to prove their ability to control their own lives, or simply because they haven't thought through the consequences of these choices. The problem is, often the wrong choices are ones that ruin not only the teens future, but the lives of their parents and other family members. When a child is making choices that are illegal or immoral the results of those choices can have lifelong derogatory effects. But what is a concerned parent to do?

The worst mistake a parent can make is trying to ignore the problem, hoping it will go away or that the teen will grow out of their negative behaviors. Although this does happen, at times, as teens see the negative consequences of their choices, more often than not the teens do not see the chaos that surrounds their choices and, instead, feel that they are the victims of the rules and regulations imposed on them by their parents, teachers, etc. Parents may delay looking into therapy, counseling, treatment facilities or camps for their child because they fear it may make the problem worse if they confront it openly. Some parents are actually afraid of their teen and worry that an angry teenager will harm them or other family members. Ignoring these concerns is a mistake, as often the behaviors are a cry for help and are precursors for even more negative behavior to come.

It is not unusual for problem children to begin showing signs of oppositional defiance, anger outbursts, and lack of respect as young as 10 or 11 years old. At this stage, parents can try less aggressive approaches to positively influence their child's behavior. This may include:

Spending more one-on-one time with the child.
Trying to talk with the child instead of to the child about what may be causing the negative behaviors.
Assessing their own behavior and making positive changes in the way they deal with negative situations.
Finding new activities to engage the child's interest.

If the negative behaviors continue, more intensive intervention may be necessary. The earlier the behavior problems are addressed, the better the chance of a positive outcome. Children are considered adults at the age of 18, so if a parent doesn't decide until two months before the child's 18th birthday to try to address the problems, it may be too late. Even if the child is put into counseling or sent to a 'brat camp' they will likely not be involved long enough for any real benefit to be realized.

After a parent has determined that their child's behavior is not typical for a well adjusted teen, they need to decide how best to deal with this fact. There are a variety of options available. Visits with school counselors, doctors, and therapists can be a good first line for parents to learn about the options that are available. These options may include intensive therapy, medications, 'tough love' programs, or a variety of camps. While the idea of sending your child to a behavioral camp can be scary, most of them are reputable and have a good history of success with changing the outlook of defiant teenagers. News stories have brought to light some of the physical hardships that are placed on teens in these environments. Unfortunately, it is rare to get the whole story from the media. For this reason is it extremely important that the camps are researched before the child is sent to the camp. Many of these camps are truly concerned with doing what is best for the wayward teenager to point them toward a more positive lifestyle and better life choices. Often the only way to get through to a rebellious teen is to strip them of what is important to them at the time, namely friends, styles, technology, and the comforts that they have come to expect in life. Some camps do this through intense physical exertion, hiking, exercise, and other physical hardships. Other camps focus on service to less fortunate people. Many will include animal assisted therapy, trying to force these teens to care about a living creature that is dependant upon them for their needs. It is important to look carefully at the various options available and choose one that you feel will work for your child and your family's circumstances.

Above all, remember that this is a battle that you do not have to fight alone. There are many sources available to provide help in shifting the negative behaviors of your rebellious teen into a more positive avenue. Do the necessary research and figure out which of these resources will best benefit your particular situation. Above all, don't give up on your child. There is something to be said for teaching your children how to live through example and showing them that you will love them, while not always loving their choices, is a very good example to set and then utilizing the sources available to help you help them.